18 Funniest Quotes From National Lampoon’s Animal House


National Lampoon’s Animal House was the first real hit R-rated comedy. Before then, comedies were clean and family-friendly. And then the National Lampoon team came along to shake things up with Animal House a story revolving around a bunch of wild frat guys in college.

The movie not only made a big name for itself at the box office, the long-term impact of it and its success is arguably even more important. Even today, many raunchier comedies are directly inspired by Animal House, and with its timelessly hilarious dialogue, it’s not hard to understand why.


UPDATE: 2022/09/29 16:55 EST BY SHAWN S. LEALOS

Animal House will celebrate its 45th anniversary in 2023. This comes just two years after it made its way onto 4K for the first time in 2021, and gave kids today a chance to see one of the best R-rated college raunchy comedies of all time. National Lampoon was on a tear after it released Animal House, both becoming the go-to for raunchy comedies, but also helping prove that Saturday Night Live stars could become huge stars on the big screen as well, with John Belushi stealing every scene he was in. However, this wasn’t just about Bluto, as everyone in the cast had a chance to deliver some of the funniest Animal House quotes ever uttered in a comedy film.

“You can’t spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes!”

* Otter To Flounder After Wrecking The Car

If there is one thing that Animal House proves, it is that trusting the people at this college, inside and outside the frat, is a mistake. However, one other thing that the movie makes clear is that the people in this specific frat don’t let mistakes get them down, and they often wear them as a badge of honor.

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In this case, Otter basically tells Flounder to shrug off his gaffe after trusting them and wrecking Fred’s car. Otter said to just trust them again to help him make things better. It’s terrible advice, but at least it’s funny.

“Vegetables Can Be Really Sensuous, Don’t You Think?”

* Otter In The Grocery Store

The guys went to the grocery store and decided they were going to shoplift a bunch of food. However, Otter had something else in mind when he saw an attractive older woman in the produce department. He tried to hit on her by saying his cucumber was bigger, and then saying vegetables could be sensuous.

The woman simply responded that they are sensual, because people are sensuous. He kept it up, though, and then learned in a shocking reveal that the woman was Dean Wormer’s wife, which put a huge damper on things when she asked if he still wanted to show her his cucumber.

“Is This Really What You’re Gonna Do For The Rest Of Your Life?”

* Katy Blasts Boom At The Party

Not even girls could convince the bad boys from Delta Tau Chi to straighten up their lives. This was evident when Katy tried to talk some sense into her boyfriend Donald “Boom” Schoenstein. When she realized that he was too busy drinking and partying to care about anything else, she finally set him down at a party.

She wanted to go, and Boom didn’t get it because he said they just got there. When she asked him if this was what he was going to do for the rest of his life, hanging with his friends and getting drunk every weekend, he admitted it wasn’t his plan. Instead, he said he would get drunk every night after graduation.

“They Confiscated Everything, Even The Stuff We Didn’t Steal!”

* Hoover revealing their frat house was invaded

Once the facility came down on Delta Tau Chi, they sent in people to confiscate everything from the house. This was all part of the plan to expel every member of the frat, and that is when Boon showed up and asked what was going on.

Hoover was in shock, and said that they confiscated everything, “even the stuff we didn’t steal.” It was nice to see that they didn’t even try to hide their misdeeds, but then Bluto put a bow on the entire scene when he said they “took the bar, the whole f***ing bar!” At least they had their priorities straight.

“Put A Sock In It, Boy, Or Else You’ll Be Outta Here Like S*** Through A Goose.”

* Dean Wormer putting the students in their place

When Otter says, “What a tool,” in front of Dean Wormer, and Wormer asks him to repeat what he said, he claims that he said, “What a shame that a few bad apples have to spoil a good time for everyone by breaking the rules.”

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Unimpressed by Otter’s antics, Wormer replies, “Put a sock in it, boy, or else you’ll be outta here like sh*t through a goose.” It’s a hilariously specific and vivid mental image to be sure.

“I Find Milton Probably As Boring As You Find Milton.”

* Jennings being a little too honest in class

Donald Sutherland is one of the most respected actors who ever lived, but he also proved he has an untapped funny bone with his portrayal of Professor Jennings in Animal House, delivering some of the best lines in the movie.

As he tells his students, he refuses to pretend that he’s a fan of Milton: “I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring, too. He’s a little bit long-winded, he doesn’t translate well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible.”

“I’m A Zit! Get It?”

* Bluto makes a gross joke

One of the most iconic Animal House quotes sees Bluto piling up his tray in the cafeteria and then disgusting the people around him with his eating habits.

At one point, he says, “See if you can guess what I am now,” before cramming some mashed potatoes into his mouth, hitting his cheeks with his fists, and spraying mashed potatoes everywhere. He exclaims, “I’m a zit! Get it?”

“If You Mention Extortion Again, I’ll Have Your Legs Broken.”

* Don’t ever mention extortion to the mayor

During a meeting with the mayor about the homecoming parade, Dean Wormer overplays his hand with hilarious results. Dean Wormer tells the mayor, “I don’t think it’s right that you should extort money from the college.”

Then, the mayor replies, “Look, these parades you throw are very expensive. You use my police, my sanitation people, and my Oldsmobiles free of charge. So, if you mention extortion again, I’ll have your legs broken.”

“You’re All Worthless And Weak!”

* Neidermeyer puts everyone in their place

This quote from Neidermeyer is harsh, but probably somewhat relatable under the frustrating circumstances that he’s dealing with at the time.

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Neidermeyer isn’t a character that anyone should want to be like, because he’s a total jerk and one of the film’s main antagonists. But it’s not hard to grasp where this sentiment was coming from, and given the absolutely unhinged behavior of many of the protagonists, the outburst is understandable.

“Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!”

* Bluto rallies the troops with a faulty knowledge of history

Despite clocking in nearly more than double the amount of time that the average college does throughout their collegiate career, it’s obvious that Bluto could still stand to learn a thing or two about WWII.

He takes a break from necking entire bottles of Jack Daniel’s and riding motorcycles in the house and says, “What? Over? Did you say ‘over’? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!” His rallying cry ended up as one of the funniest monologues is movie history.

“I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.”

* Otter on how to deal with controversy

This Animal House quote became so memorable that A Futile and Stupid Gesture was used as the title of the Netflix biopic based on the life of Doug Kenney, the guy who co-founded the National Lampoon and co-wrote Animal House.

His monologue about what they should do to get back at the bad guys is hilarious: “We gotta take these b*****ds. Now, we could fight ‘em with conventional weapons. That could take years and cost millions of lives. Oh, no. No, in this case, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody’s part.”

“My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.”

* Bluto’s advice on dealing with problems

John Belushi’s immortal Animal House quote, “My advice to you is to start drinking heavily,” really sums up the character, outlook, and general themes of the movie quite spectacularly.

Sure, most of the problems that the protagonists of the film encounter are driven by or somehow connected to their outrageous party behavior, but it’s hard to deny that, at least in the short term, their problems are also solved by said behavior as well.

“As of this moment, they’re on double secret probation!”

* Dean Wormer makes his final decision

Dean Wormer is a hilarious caricature of a college dean, although his enmity with the fraternity is understandable considering what his job actually is.

Most college deans’ aversion to fun is a symptom of their aversion to hazing scandals and drink and drug-related deaths on campus. Dean Wormer is just a particularly bad example. He explains, “There is a little-known codicil in the Faber College constitution which gives the dean unlimited power to preserve order in time of campus emergency…The time has come for someone to put their foot down. And that foot is me.”

“Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the f**king Peace Corps.”

* Bluto reveals what could be next after college

John “Bluto” Blutarsky is an accurate depiction of a certain frat boy archetype – the guy who never goes to any classes or gets any good grades and drinks a lot more than everyone else. He’s also totally unpredictable and never fails to make everyone laugh, which is why everyone keeps around (and don’t confront his problems).

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“Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the f**king Peace Corps.” is a hilarious exclamation that is probably more relatable to the audience than most would like to admit.

“Food fight!”

* Bluto starts the infamous food fight

The food fight scene from Animal House is crass, loud, childish – and it’s absolutely hilarious. Although food fight scenes have become a bit of a trope within any school-set films and TV shows, it’s hard to argue that John Belushi makes this iteration one of the most iconic.

A couple of the guys chase John Belushi’s Bluto character around the cafeteria until he eventually starts a mass food fight to get them off his back. It does work, as it creates anarchy and gives him a chance to escape.

“Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.”

* Otter talks about his upcoming romantic interests

Otter gets pretty spiritual when he’s talking to Boon about the girl he wants to sleep with at their upcoming party. Boon has a few guesses before finally guessing the right one: “Marlene! You’re gonna pork Marlene Desmond!”

Confused by such a violent and ugly term, Otter asks, “Pork?” Then Boon clarifies, “You’re gonna hump her brains out, aren’t you?” and Otter explains to him, “Boon, I anticipate a deeply religious experience.”

“Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.”

* Dean Wormer drops a truth bomb

When Dean Wormer is telling the guys their grades, he goes around the room: “Mr. Dorfman – 0.2. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr. Hoover, president of Delta House – 1.6. Four Cs and an F. A fine example you set. Daniel Simpson Day has no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blutarsky – 0.0. Now, I want you to tell Mr. Stratton and Mr. Schoenstein exactly what I’m about to tell you right now.”

Then he adds, “You’re out! Finished at Faber! Expelled! I want you off this campus at 9:00 Monday morning! And I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that I have notified your local draft boards and told them that you are now all, all eligible for military service.”

“Toga! Toga! Toga!”

* The Animal House quotes that indicated its time to party

The toga party is a staple of colleges everywhere, but it was immortalized by Animal House. When the guys decide to have a toga party in their frat house, they just start mindlessly chanting, “Toga! Toga! Toga!” They know exactly what they’re talking about, and they’re all equally excited.

Boon tries to get his girlfriend Katy to go with him, and she doesn’t want to go, because she expects it to be a hive of debauchery, but Boon assures her, “It’s not gonna be an orgy! It’s a toga party.” That’s not what the event is about. It’s about wearing a bedsheet and having a good time.

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